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01-Oct-2019 05:14

The unspoken warning was that, because of my age, I might not find anyone else.

Five-times-married Jan Leeming claimed in Femail last week that internet dating has given her a new lease of life - and she's not alone. There's more chance of winning the Lottery on a double rollover week than there is of being a woman over 35 and getting a date on the internet. Her brain cannot process the words: 'I don't think you're quite right for me.'LIKES THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE Gold digger. WILLING TO TRAVEL Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can't possibly let you see. NORMAL KIND OF GUY Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. NEVER DONE THIS Have done this a thousand times before, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you're my first. Your date will be a riot of whoopee cushions, itching powder and fake-dogpoo-filled fun.

A staggering 65 per cent of British singletons now turn to the internet looking for love. It doesn't matter if the guy is 60, he'll still confine his searches to '35 and under', so any woman's age should be taken as a ball park figure. Working her way through the internet site and it's your turn. Looking for a new wardrobe, jewellery and a few weekends away before she dumps you for a 25-year-old Adonis. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one. LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT Barrel-scraping beggar who can't afford to be a chooser.5ft 10 5ft 7.

But everyone who's ever dated online knows personal profiles can be a minefield - too often a tall, dark, handsome millionaire turns out to be a short, fat, ugly geek. She's got views on everything and she's not afraid to ram them forcefully down your throat. If a woman is selling her personality, then her face looks good in a paper bag. Welcome to a world of slamming doors, smashed crockery and huffy silences. It's safe to deduct three inches from any man claiming to be between 5ft 7 and 5ft 10. The flowers come from the garage forecourt and he calls you 'babe' or 'sweetheart' because he can't remember your name.

But when I phoned a dating agency eight months ago, everything had taken on a new sense of urgency. ‘Haven’t you found yourself a husband yet, Bridgey? But don’t look desperate — men hate that.’ I went speed-dating, online-dating, wine-tasting dating, quiz-dating and dinner-dating.But, while we were perfect for each other on paper, the relationship lacked passion.I felt that to continue going out with him would have been unfair to both of us, so I ended our relationship. Many people — including my mother and best friend — accused me of being too fussy, and said that I should stick with Simon, as he ticked so many boxes.Why would they like someone who, if she can still have children, would need to have them straight away?No, men will run a mile.’ She paused, then added: ‘Sorry, dear.’ I’ve never been someone who absolutely has to be in a relationship.

But when I phoned a dating agency eight months ago, everything had taken on a new sense of urgency. ‘Haven’t you found yourself a husband yet, Bridgey? But don’t look desperate — men hate that.’ I went speed-dating, online-dating, wine-tasting dating, quiz-dating and dinner-dating.

But, while we were perfect for each other on paper, the relationship lacked passion.

I felt that to continue going out with him would have been unfair to both of us, so I ended our relationship. Many people — including my mother and best friend — accused me of being too fussy, and said that I should stick with Simon, as he ticked so many boxes.

Why would they like someone who, if she can still have children, would need to have them straight away?

No, men will run a mile.’ She paused, then added: ‘Sorry, dear.’ I’ve never been someone who absolutely has to be in a relationship.

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