Dating and relationships in adolescence

18-Jan-2020 19:04

The important thing is to be able to keep them all in mind. " Restrictions on what is permissible to even admit into consciousness. What were the sources of support, positive structuring of thought. Experiences with other adults: Teachers--harsh, pleasant, alternative models, Step-parents, relatives, grandparents?In rough order of their appearance in life, then: What was the genetic situation? Ministers, youth group leaders, neighbors, Friends' parents Illnesses of grandparents or other significant adults?For girls, having to wear lingerie, make-up earlier than they would like Premature dating Early homosexual desires, feeling different, vulnerable.Peer-group dynamics: Being in an "in-group" or feeling left out.Whether you're a therapist assessing a client or a nonprofessional taking stock of yourself in the service of personal development, it is worthwhile to appreciate the sheer complexity of the human mind and its development. Formation of early positive or negative identities as "weak," "good boy," "baby," "little mother," "Daddy's girl/boy," "mischeivous," "sissy," "dumb," "just like his father," etc. Amounts of preparation, allowing some control, explaining. Illness in the parent: Some of the variables include: Separations because parent is in hospital. (Remember that time in hospital is only a fraction of the overall time the illness is operating, both before and after hospitalization) Concern/anger if parents not "taking care of themselves." All these can be amplified if there was co-morbid psychological factors, self-pity, helplessness, grumpiness, irritability, non-compliance, etc. Parental inconsistency, shifts of mood between calm and mean Verbal or physical violence to spouse, sib, or child? (And could the child whine or manipulate more toys?sings in the song, "Do, Re, Mi," "When you know the notes to sing, you can sing ‘most anything." So having a sense of the range of possibilities, or perhaps, using a computer metaphor, "the full menu" of options, allows you to better select which variables are most relevant in the situation at hand.) I address many dimensions of mind. Medical events: the impact of illness, Degrees of separation (especially for younger children). Guilt--illness experienced as punishment for misbehavior. Reinforcement for the "sick role," secondary gain Unnecessary restrictions of activity. ) Household Chores: Are there age-inappropriate expectations? Exposure to alternative attachment figures: Has infant, especially after about six months of age, had opportunities to develop partial attachments to other caretakers and so reduce the purity of the "enmeshment"? Temperamental differences: Are they being noticed or acted on? Use of junk foods, high fat, high salt, high sugar. (food colorings, sugar, chocolate, other foods) Beginnings of group play. Prevention of bullying or spoiled behavior towards others? or associated with discomfort, insect bites, temperature extremes?

Early idealisms and affiliations: Political, Artistic-musical, tv heroes, etc.

(This leads to feelings of being a fraud, that one can't keep up the show, and/or that less worthy abilities or feelings cannot be revealed.) . Family: Outings, reuinions, holiday gatherings, picnics, celebrations, opportunities to participate, contribute make things, prepare skits, give gifts Who accompanies child? Subtle handicaps or deviations: near-sightedness, deafness, shortness of stature or tallness, obesity or excessive thinness, regional accents. A little later, premature or late sexual maturation.

Geographic: can one get around walking or with a bicycle or must one be driven or take a bus. After-school: academic, religious, music, dance, art, pet training, etc. Development of "best friends," "chums." Occasional homosexual experimentation Sexual explorations with members of the opposite sex: Were they discovered, and if so, what were the authorities' reactions? Was there sexual abuse or over-stimulation by older children or adults?

Was there novelty, opportunities for exploration, movement, consistency of being fed, cleaned, cared-for without too much build-up of frustration? Premature pressure for skill building and being "good" instead of playing. Does a new younger sib supplant the older or is the transition made palatable by the family?

Parents uncomfortable with their own "inner child" and so envious of play, suppress it in child?

Early idealisms and affiliations: Political, Artistic-musical, tv heroes, etc.(This leads to feelings of being a fraud, that one can't keep up the show, and/or that less worthy abilities or feelings cannot be revealed.) . Family: Outings, reuinions, holiday gatherings, picnics, celebrations, opportunities to participate, contribute make things, prepare skits, give gifts Who accompanies child? Subtle handicaps or deviations: near-sightedness, deafness, shortness of stature or tallness, obesity or excessive thinness, regional accents. A little later, premature or late sexual maturation.Geographic: can one get around walking or with a bicycle or must one be driven or take a bus. After-school: academic, religious, music, dance, art, pet training, etc. Development of "best friends," "chums." Occasional homosexual experimentation Sexual explorations with members of the opposite sex: Were they discovered, and if so, what were the authorities' reactions? Was there sexual abuse or over-stimulation by older children or adults? Was there novelty, opportunities for exploration, movement, consistency of being fed, cleaned, cared-for without too much build-up of frustration? Premature pressure for skill building and being "good" instead of playing. Does a new younger sib supplant the older or is the transition made palatable by the family? Parents uncomfortable with their own "inner child" and so envious of play, suppress it in child? Attachment and Loss: have there been significant attachments to a parenting figure, even a "nanny" that have been disrupted before the age of four? Can parents allow for differences in taste, interests? Setting Limits: Parental abilities to nurture must be supplemented by abilities to set limits and enforce them comfortably and consistently. Fearing spoiling, do they become too restrictive or harsh?